Perceptions of “Power” and the Difficulties of Influencing Without Authority

By: Grande Lum

Working with an authority figure presents a challenge. The person could be a boss, customer or landlord, anyone that you need to influence but you don’t direct or supervise. The authority figure holds power over you. Maybe you defer to authority and therefore are unwilling to question it. You may have spurned authority positions because you do not see that capacity within yourself. Or perhaps you are deeply suspicious of power. Power is strongly related to control and we are likely to project our deep-seated feelings towards power onto individuals in authority.

Seeing yourself as powerless is therefore easy. You believe the other person holds power because the other person has a certain uniform, is higher up the company food chain or is bigger and stronger than you. Viewing yourself as totally powerless removes your accountability for the situation’s outcome. You say to yourself, “There was nothing I could do about it!”

Part of the faulty thinking you can fall prey to is either/or thinking. You are neither all powerful nor totally powerless. The reality is somewhere in between. Viewing yourself as powerless is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you do not see yourself as being able to change the situation, you are less likely to do so.

Viewing yourself as less powerful can lead to anxiety and ultimately anger. This anger leads to an ironic form of overcompensation where you refuse to give in to prove that you have no power. In conflicts, both parties can see themselves as powerless, which leads to competitive victimization which almost always goes badly.

Power is seductive because you can unilaterally get outcomes you want. Powerlessness is seductive because you are the wronged person and not liable for the outcomes. Not using power as an excuse, means seeing your relationship anew.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt