Negotiation: What's More Valuable - Aptitude or Attitude?

By: Scott Roberts

Among such tactics as one-upsmanship, bullying and bravado, how do really great negotiated agreements get made? Do you have to be smart or is it all in the attitude? In negotiations, as with the rest of life, our attitude and feelings attract exactly what they convey. So if you go into a negotiation with the attitude that you will negotiate solely on price, you will naturally drive it there. By preparing smartly and going in with the right attitude you will most likely negotiate better for yourself and the other party.

Many times we do a lot of the right things to prepare for our negotiations. We gather all kinds of information, prepare options and develop strategies to negotiate well. But what happens to all that planning when the big day comes? Why are we reluctant to pursue our interests and create value for ourselves as well as the other side? Why are we reluctant to stand firm on proposals and terms that are fair to us? There are a number of explanations.

We are not as prepared as we think.  Research shows that almost 80% of all negotiations occur with little or no preparation.  We do not know all of the parties' interests, and that includes ours. In essence, we do not have enough information to create value or substantiate the value we believe we deserve.

We set our goals too low. The research shows that those who set a stretch goal, rather than just declaring their bottom line, routinely negotiate more value for both parties. There are three main reasons we sabotage our negotiations in this way: 

1. We believe that lower goals protect our self esteem. We set goals that we know we can make, which allow us to still feel good about ourselves. As long as we hit the goal we said, we forget the possibility that we could have achieved even more value. Is that a win or not?  If we routinely leave value on the table, as the research demonstrates, who are we really helping? 

2. We set lower goals because we don't make the time to prepare or don't know how to prepare.

3. Lower goals indicate a lack of motivation. We take the path of least resistance. If you are afraid to introduce tension into your negotiating relationships (because it may delay or derail the process), then you're much more likely to capitulate to others' needs and wants. In the end, when you lack the desire to create additional value beyond the obvious it hurts both parties, you and them. 

So how do we avoid this spiral?

Always prepare for each negotiation. Information gathering and advanced preparation should be key components of a negotiation strategy. Understanding another party's interests and yours allows you find out on what you really have to agree. Having this information on the table allows you to seek creative solutions to address both parties' interests. That means getting below the initial positions to understand the underlying value they need fulfilled, which will more likely lead to achieving everyone's goals.  I find that asking why something is important to someone gets below the surface and beyond their position.  For instance, when some asks for my best price I routinely ask why in order to really understand what is driving their request. Do they really want cheap or are they trying to conserve costs?  Or, do they want to make more money or not want to be taken advantage of?  When I know this information then I can respond appropriately.  Otherwise, I will have to engage in a negotiation based on assumptions and positions in the absence of demonstrated value, and consequently we do the proverbial haggle.

Set high expectations for your negotiation outcome.  Too often I see negotiators spend countless hours preparing their bottom line and their concession strategy. Instead, I set high expectations as well as a bottom line.  My expectations are both realistic and optimistic. An offer that is a stretch, but one that I can support with reasonable criteria is realistic. By having a high expectation and bottom line you are more likely to achieve an agreement that hits that high expectation. It keeps you focused and motivated to negotiate an outcome that is good for both parties. Also, research shows that those who set a high expectation routinely achieve value that is higher than negotiators who don't. By preparing and setting high expectations you will be more confident, in other words, have the right attitude, in reaching a mutually beneficial goal. 

It is critical to have the right attitude when negotiating. By applying these steps to your negotiation you will be well on your way towards honing the aptitude and attitude that create better outcomes for both parties.