4 Powers of Curiosity
Take one look at the news or look on social media and it feels like we are less and less connected these days with widespread polarization happening. It seems to only take a short time for tensions to rise, for people to not see eye to eye, and for conversations to break down. While I imagine that there are many factors that have contributed to this disconnection and discord, I believe there is state of being we seem to have forgotten that is a valuable way to help us minimize or prevent these collapses and encourage stress-free interactions: curiosity.
Being curious means being in a state in which you want to learn more about something. It signals that you realize you don’t understand everything and that you could be more open to new comprehension and unique discoveries. It takes a certain humility and vulnerability to be curious and not in a stance of certainty.
“Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.” – James Stephens
Curiosity can make the difference between coming to agreement or not, slowing down a conflict, understanding other people, even figuring out your own perspectives and actions. Bringing an attitude of curiosity allows for stronger emotional intelligence and an openness that creates more possibility. To me there are four powers to having and using curiosity.
1) Curiosity is a critical mindset for effective negotiations
When negotiating, many people start with positions and haggle over them, they often can’t agree or end up splitting the difference and meeting somewhere in the middle. This typically results in losing an opportunity or leaving value on the table and might create negative reputations. When you become curious and ask questions that open up the conversation, you learn things that might lead to a better option, create more understanding between the parties, and encourage new ideas. This increased understanding will drive towards more appropriate and maximized solutions and enhance the ability to have a similar or better outcome the next time.
2) Curiosity can get you off the escalator of misunderstanding and polarization and into a collaborative conversation
The fastest way to create misunderstanding is to make assumptions and stop wondering about the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Conversations often lead to disagreement when both parties don’t ask enough questions to fully understand. Our minds work too quickly, unconsciously looking at data from our past and making incorrect interpretations about them and assuming it about the other party, thus jumping to conclusions that are off track. We can use curiosity to go deeper than the surface statement or behaviors and clarify its intent before assigning our meaning to it and making up stories that are negative about them. We simply need to stop ourselves and ask.
3) Curiosity is a relationship builder
Use genuine curiosity as a great way to build strong relationships quickly. People need connection and a sense of belonging. One way to create that with another is to open yourself up to wondering about them. Ask questions about their life, their motivations, the impacts they felt, their sense of what’s happening or what’s important. The more you learn about them and the more they feel understood, the more likely you will inspire the same inquisitiveness in them about you, and the greater the connection between you.
4) Curiosity can unlock your own reactions
If you have ever had an interaction or finished a conversation and thought that didn’t go as well as I thought, there is an opportunity with curiosity. While you might stop and think about all the things that the other person did or said, you could instead look at yourself and get curious about your reaction. With curiosity you can wonder what part of you was acting that way or saying those things or you can explore why you walked away and recognize that something brought up emotions about what just happened and consider what it was. Ask yourself questions to uncover what you noticed about yourself, where the conversation went awry for you, and where you think the emotions or reactions came from or what they meant. By getting curious you can unlock the intrinsic motivations for your reactions and perhaps catch them before the next time.
When your instinct is to tell or explain, dismiss or disagree, or even leave the conversation, try stopping and asking questions to understand better the perspective of the other person or even yourself. Get curious and you might find a better solution, create peace and understanding, strengthen a relationship, and build some internal wisdom.
“Curiosity is the superpower for the second half of our lives — it keeps us learning, it keeps us asking questions, and it increases our self-awareness.” – Brené Brown