A New Dynamic for a New Year
By: Heather Meeker Green, Reid Zurlo
Creating new outcomes in the New Year is what we’re all after. The first few months of every year, we spend a lot of time devoted to change and new beginnings. We make resolutions, goals and promises of how we’re going to lose weight, save money and use our time wisely – by the 2nd quarter, many of these good intentions fly out the window. Why not make a commitment to improve something that you use each and every day – communication.
Communication is the number one skill needed to have good relationships that lead to successful results. Chances are you’ll need to be in communication with someone at some point to meet your goals. Whether it’s deciding where to eat, how to strategically position your company, or sell your product, effective communication will create a new dynamic, especially communicating your underlying interests and digging for the other person’s. Interest-based communication has been called a lot of things, collaborative communication, conversations that work and Getting to Yes – they all boil down to the same thing – communicating in a way that allows and encourages both perspectives to be considered important.
To make improvements, the research* shows you should create a practice that you sustain for 66 days to embed any habit. That’s a couple of months fo repeated action. The habit we suggest is taking at least 15 minutes to plan and practice a simple process as a good way to make sure each perspective is heard. This framework includes four parts; Interests that lie beneath positions, options that are created from both party’s interests, criteria that objectively measure the options, and making sure we know what our no agreement alternatives are, that is what we will do if we can’t get our needs met with this person. Once we understand our own driving forces, priorities, consider theirs, create some ideas and solutions, and look at what’s fair, we are ready to engage in meaningful dialogue.
Sharing our own perspective is only half the equation though. Understanding the other person’s interests, and making sure options are on the table that satisfy their needs well are just as important as knowing our own interests and offering solutions that meet ours.
Preparing ourselves for successful communications starts with asking ourselves these thoughtful questions.
What really matters most to me right now? That is, what are my key interests and what are the top three in priority?
What does the other person care about? What do I think they find most important? What are they not saying that might be important to test?
Given these interests, what solutions do we have that satisfy both of us? Can I come up with at least three options? Which ones do I think really create a valuable and implementable agreement best?
How will I know what we’ve come up with is a fair solution? If I asked someone outside our conversation, which one is most objective and justifiable?
If I can’t reach agreement with this person, what will I do? What no-agreement alternatives do I have so I can feel satisfied?
Once you’ve done your own preparation, it’s important to move forward in your conversation with the other person in a way that conveys that you have included them in your thought process. This entails testing your assumptions about their interests by asking questions. When sharing options that you have considered, state how you think they meet both sets of interests.
When you include all parties in a conversation in these ways, true collaboration can take place. This process of communicating will lead to new dynamics resulting in deals, agreements and outcomes that don’t leave value on the table or fall short of our goals.
Even though it’s mid-February, it’s not too late to start. The year is young and many resolutions and new initiatives have fallen by the wayside. Start anew now…don’t hesitate – remember communication is something you do everyday throughout your day – it’s worth the effort and the results may surprise you!
* This statistic was found in Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward
By James O. Prochaska, John Norcross, Carlo DiClemente, published in January 1995.